I've learnt a lot over recent years, mostly about myself. I am stronger now than I have ever been. I am emotionally sound and stable.
I always view life as one big CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) exercise. You basically have to stop making bad decisions and make good choices to make yourself happy. This line does not do CBT any justice but it captures the spirit of the discipline.
Today I made a bold move and cut a thread, as discussed in my previous blog. I had a man with a hold over me. A hold he has had for many years. This is no more. He is not a bad guy but I had to make a decision. I chose to move forward and find love. I always have been proactive in my love life but always had him in the back of my mind. Fortunately I am not emotionally attached or in love with him, like I once was, but he fluters around in my thoughts from time to time.
I will not let the thought of him hold me back anymore. I'm sad that I have made this choice, as I always thought he and I would one day be together. But it will not happen. It never will.
I cannot tell you how much hurt I have felt in the past, pain I do not care to feel ever again. Yes we cannot live our lives in fear of hurt but we can be sensible in the emotional attachments and bonds we form. I have learnt a lot, and I thank my mystery man for teaching me a very valuable lesson. I was very ill 2 years ago and I have come a long way since then.
I want to carry my CBT message to all those with broken hearts... It's brutal but essential to sack uninterested men off in their tracks. You do not need to live your life with unrequited love. If you get even the slightest whiff of bullshit, then pull out, move on. You're all worth so much more!
I still find it very confusing how somebody can really like you but chose not be with you? If I really liked somebody, I would want to be with them. Wouldn't you? Alas, the good news. We no longer need to worry about such questions. It doesn't matter why somebody doesn't want to be with you, the point is that they still do not want to be with you. If they wanted to be with you, then they would be! Do not fight a losing battle. Choose your own happiness and win the war!
My sadness is a temporary glitch. It's not consuming in anyway. It's almost a mourning period for the many wasted hours and days of effort and anxiety.
I do not hate my mystery man in any way. In fact we're good friends. You can be friends with somebody you once loved as long as you're both open and honest with each other. Basically you need to know exactly where you stand. Once boundaries and limits are established, you can move on and flourish...
Listen to 'Happy' by Leona Lewis, amazing lyrics that I hold close to my heart. It is how I live my life, and always will...
About Me
- Mark Wright
- Bradford, West Yorkshire, United Kingdom
- Gay & Living In The City
2 comments:
What about the other way around? We were together for 6 years, and lat March I decided it is not going anywhere. He has called, (up to 40 times a day) and sometimes (shamefully) I have fallen back into him arms, only to reject him days later, I have tried changing my number (I gave in and called him) He will not leave me alone, and the sad thing is if he did a part of me would probably die, he is my first love. But he is not the ONE. How on earth do I get rid of him and train myself to stop at the same time??!! Any advice would be amazing.
Hey there...
Firstly thanks for your comment.
I once was like that you know once upon a time. I used to text and text and text and text. It was all because I believed the guy I wanted deep down had the seem feelings for me. It's so hard but you need to create the distance between you both. He probably believes that you want him, and he is hanging onto that possibility. Have you give him any reason to hang on? Maybe you suggest to him that there may a chance in the future. Maybe you need to be completely honest with him and tell him that he is not the 'one'.
This is so hard I know, but he deserves to true love himself. I can understand he was your first love, but if you stay in his life, he may never go away.
Sometimes we have to make huge sacrifices emotionally to move onto inner peace. All these experiences are learning.
I'm no shrink but I buy into honesty. Be honest with yourself in the way you behave towards him and be upfront and honest with him also. It wil hurt so bad, but you need peace of mind, and he needs to start the long process of healing.
It's a long process but he will get there. Guaranteed.
Bless you..
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