The game...

I went to Swansea with some friends at the weekend and I thought whilst there I would conduct a social experiment. I intended to use a rubbish chat up line on at least 20 men to see what my response would be. However, the bar we went to had 10 gay men in. Most of them were probably under the age of 20. not really what I was expecting.

But I sat back and observed the mating rituals of these men. The moves, the looks, the touches… When you sit back and stop playing the game yourself and objectively observe the behaviour of those around you, you realise just how primal our behaviour is. These men have a thing for showing the curvature of their spines and putting their arse out there on display.

I'm definitely a bum man, but now realise that a lot of men out there are 'bum men.'

Some guys would dance, clearly trying to impress. Like peacocks, or birds of paradise, moving their bodies in rhythm to the music and each other. I do the same. Lets be honest, when you're single, you have other men in your head, you imagine them watching you, and you try to dance accordingly with what you think they would like to see.

The things I do:

Dance seductively.

Stick my arse right out.

Suck my belly in.

Laugh loud and fabulously.

Smile at all times.

Look like having really great time with friends even if completely and utterly bored. (Not dissing my friends by any means, I'm talking generally.)

But when we observe this behaviour, how many of us are actually impressed? Some men pull off the ritual better than others. This is shallow, but we all go along with it.

I've never dated a dancer but I can imagine sex with a dancer is like totally amazing. A good mover is surely good in the bedroom? Is it basic instinct to reproduce, regardless of whether you're gay or not. Genomes for basic instincts are largely unrelated.

Am I wrong? Are there any single people out there who do not play this game when out and about? I straighten my hair and put my best frock on to go buy my ciggies from the Co-op… Am I alone in this, or do others behave in a similar manner?

We are strange but fascinating creatures.

Ooo random thought, does anybody have the best chat up line ever? A chat up line that will never fail to work?