Thump!

I was not cyber stalking...

I just accidentally saw some photos on Facebook that I wish I had never seen.

I was very mature and civilised and did not react in a childish way. I could have thrown such a strop, I could have made somebody's life miserable. Alas, I decided to portray the new, sorted, mature me...

Have you ever been so in love with somebody that they're in the back of your mind for years, even decades. Have you forgotten about them, but as soon as you smell that aftershave, hear that song, or see a photo... Your heart flutters.

Actually, 'flutter' is completely the wrong word. I would say 'thump', 'hammer', 'pound'. Not just your heart, but your head, your body... You can feel it and hear it.

Do you know, wouldn't it be fun to play the love and heartbreak onomatopoeia game? How many words can you think of to describe the sound or feelings of love and hurt.

I digress... But feel free to comment with some words...

So back to the point. I saw photos of the guy I once loved with a new man. Oh yes. Shock! I was for a millisecond crippled with grief, then I reflected and went into CBT mode. I thought, maybe it's just a friend, or a one off shag, or maybe a cousin. Then I thought, so what if it is a new man, big deal. Then I felt sad, then I felt okay, then I felt sad again. Then I felt angry, because the 'once upon a time love of my life' told me he was not interested in relationships. Yes, it was apparently nothing to do with me, it was just he wasn't in a relationship place. Then there are photos of him and this man enjoying good times, travelling, blah blah blah. To add to all this the guy in the photos is absolutely bloody gorgeous. Well talk about a pathetic and disgusting moment of self loathing and insecurity.

Why could that not have been me in the photos. Why?

Then... The anger went, and the sensible person within me found solid ground and stood up tall. But, I then wanted to know more. I was still sad, I felt good about myself, but I was intrigued...

So. I sent him a text. Oh yes I did. The one thing you should never do; text an old flame! I was quite upfront and asked him if he had a boyfriend. He replied saying that he is technically single but just having fun. Hmm? Well this did not satisfy my lust for more juicy info, but I had to let it rest. God, I didn't want to look desperate. Ha!

After some more thought, the next day, I felt even better about the situation. I was initially so angry that I had been 'lied' to. But then I realised I was being set free. I did not have to ponder the 'whys' because it is clear this old flame is not interested in me. Wow, simples! I am so pleased I was civil with him now. Can you imagine if I had have been nasty? I would not have got anywhere with him anyway, and would have got myself even more worked up.

The message is simple. If you have been misled, then give up. Do not pursue your 'flame'. The 'flame' is not interested in you if he is happy to mislead you and not respect you with honesty.

Let old dogs lie and move on. In fact be civil. Go on. Surprise them and be nice! You'll feel a whole lot better too....